Welcoming and Affirming Queer Youth (Part Three)

GUEST WRITER: DEBORAH JODREY

Welcome back to our blog post series on welcoming and affirming the queer youth in our congregations! In part one, we talked about what it means for a church and a person to be affirming. We also explored some devastating statistics on mental health amongst queer youth to show the importance of being affirming. In part two, we continued the conversation by looking at Jesus’ life and following his example of affirming people physically and emotionally. Parts one and two offer a great overview of what being affirming actually means and looks like, both for a youth practitioner and the life of a congregation.

Why This Matters

My greatest hope is that one day all young people will get to grow up in a church community and denomination where they (and all people) are fully believed, explicitly affirmed, embraced, and celebrated for who they are. This work is essential because even just one affirming adult in an LGBTQ+ young person’s life can significantly lower their risk of suicide.

Unlike queer adults, often queer youth and kids can’t choose what church they go to or what denomination they are apart of. This reality makes your presence and work as affirming youth practitioners incredibly valuable.

Join me in the conversation below as we consider how to show up for our queer youth even in the following more challenging contexts.

Affirming Queer Youth in Conservative Churches

My first ministry position was Children and Families Program Director at a Southern Baptist Church in rural North Carolina. I had just started my senior year of college and was excited for this opportunity. My more progressive values contradicted the church’s beliefs, but options for ministry experience in rural North Carolina were limited. However, I felt good about my relationship with the pastor and was open to this opportunity to navigate respecting the church’s views while honoring my more progressive values and theology. It was not easy.

For safety reasons, I was not publicly out as a queer person at the time. But my experience with that church has continued to teach me so much about doing ministry with young people. If you are a youth practitioner navigating a similar situation, you are not alone, and I hope you will feel supported and encouraged.

Check Safety

First and foremost, assess the safety of the queer young people in your congregation. Please remember that if there is ever an immediate threat to the safety and well-being of a youth, call 911. Outside of immediate threats, if a youth comes out to you as queer, offer lots of affirmation and support and check in about their overall safety. Ask who else knows this information and how you can respect this youth’s privacy;  be careful not to share information about a youth’s gender identity or sexual orientation without their permission.

Here are some great safety resources to share with queer youth who come from less affirming contexts and households: Trevor Project, National Runaway Safeline, The LGBT National Help Center.

Build Relationships

Building and investing in relationships with staff, adults, and parents of the youth at the church will nurture trust and create opportunities to share a different perspective or insights on topics of inclusion, affirmation, gender, and sexuality.

Teach the Bible (and Ask Good Questions!)

The Bible is filled with examples of love, inclusion, welcoming the stranger, learning from outsiders, and caring for those on the margins. Check out the stories of Jesus listed in part two or the Tell Me About the Bible: Extraordinary Leaders Youth Curriculum. Explore these stories with your youth, facilitate curious conversations around them, and, of course, ask good questions!

What does this story teach us about who God is and what God cares about?
What is the context of this story or book of the Bible? When was it written?
What is the genre? What was the original language?
How might it offer insight into our lives today?

Teaching young people to be responsible and curious readers is important, especially when reading the Bible.

Get Support

Build yourself a community of support outside of this more challenging context. Being measured and careful about what you say and how you say it can take a toll. Make sure you have safe places and people with whom you can talk openly about these challenges and brainstorm ideas and strategies for your ministry. This is especially true if you are a queer youth practitioner. Check out the resource list below for support as well.

Reflect: What have you learned about affirming youth in your context?

Affirming Queer Youth in Churches That Aren’t Explicitly Affirming

My next two ministry contexts were a Cooperative Baptist Church in San Antonio, Texas, followed by a PCUSA Church in Central New Jersey. While I was out as a queer person and able to be more open about my progressive values and theology, neither of these churches held explicit statements of affirmation and inclusion for queer people. It was in these contexts that I made my individual stance clear and started the conversation with the leadership of these churches about what it would mean to become affirming churches. I then became an advocate and educator for both of those congregations. Thankfully, many denominations offer great resources to help with this process.

Reflect: What other resources have you used to help your congregation navigate this process? How can we get our youth involved in this process?

You Might Be the One Affirming Adult They Have

Even if a youth doesn’t specifically come out to you, know there is a good chance you have queer or questioning youth present in your church and youth spaces. Whether you can directly and publicly state your affirmation of queer people or not, make sure what you teach and how you talk reflects your affirming values, creates a safe space for queer and questioning youth, and serves as an example for the rest of youth and other adults. Make sure the young people in your context know without a doubt that they are seen, known, and loved by you, and seen, known, and loved by God.

Looking for a simple way to spark meaningful conversation? Enter your name and email below, and download a FREE coloring page to begin a thoughtful discussion about what it means to be made in the image of God. Invite your youth to grab some markers or colored pencils and create together as you reflect on this beautiful truth about identity, creation, and our connection to the Divine.

Keep Going, You’ve Got This!

Whatever context you find yourself in as a youth practitioner, keep up the good work! This work is imperfect, and this work is hard. We are all constantly learning, growing, and adapting. I wish that my younger queer self could have had a youth practitioner like you in my life. I know it would have made a difference—because remember, even just one affirming adult in a youth’s life can make a huge impact and even save the life of a LGBTQ+ young person. Thank you for being that one person.

---