GUEST WRITER: DEBORAH JODREY
In my almost ten years of working in children’s, youth, and family ministries, I have spoken with many well-meaning parents, grandparents, youth practitioners, and other church leaders about their desire to create a welcoming and affirming space for all people. Often, the heart and passion are there, but many feel overwhelmed and confused as they begin to actually do that work. If you can relate, thank you for your heart and desire—you are not alone!
As a lifelong learner myself, I know there is so much more work and conversation to be had on the topic of affirming queer people. However, I hope this blog will be a helpful and empowering place to start.
In Part 1 of this blog post series, we explored what it means for a church to be affirming. I also shared some problematic statistics on mental health amongst queer youth to demonstrate the importance of being affirming. If you haven’t checked it out yet, please do! In this post, we will continue the conversation by looking at Jesus’ life and following his example of affirming people physically and emotionally.
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What Would Jesus Do? Affirming the Marginalized in Scripture
When the topic of the Bible and queerness come up, we often jump to passages where we think the Bible speaks against queer folks. These verses have been used to rationalize the dehumanization and violence that queer folks have long experienced. We will not spend our time on these texts today. But for those interested in reading and learning more about them, here are some resources:
- The “Reformation Project” gives an overview of these biblical passages
- God and the Gay Christian, by Matthew Vines
- Unclobber, by Colby Martin
Today, we address the question, “What might Jesus think of all this talk on affirming people?”
Jesus Was An Affirming Dude!
Jesus intentionally brought people back into a relationship with their communities and empowered them, alongside their whole identities, to serve as examples of what it means to live and love like Jesus. Here are three examples of Jesus pushing against legal and societal norms to affirm marginalized people as valid human beings and beloved children of God.
Luke 8:43-48—Physical healing and public affirmation
In this story, Jesus encountered a woman who suffered from a bleeding disorder. According to the law (Leviticus 15:19-30), this woman would have been deemed unclean, and anything she touched would also be considered unclean. It is not hard to imagine that this ostracized woman suffered physically, financially, and socially, as those around her followed the law. Jesus immediately healed this woman after she touched his cloak. What’s more, he praised her for her faith.
Luke 10:25-37—Redefining neighbor with radical inclusion
In the well-known parable of the Good Samaritan, the significance of Jesus choosing a Samaritan must not be lost. During the time of the kings (1 Kings 12), the twelve tribes of Judah were split into southern (Jews) and northern (Samaritans) kingdoms. The northern kingdom followed their own kings and established their own places of worship. By Jesus’ day, Jews viewed Samaritans as impure, half-blooded Israelites and wanted nothing to do with them. Jesus rejected this view and uplifted a Samaritan as the ultimate example of what it means to be a neighbor.
John 4:4–26—Crossing societal norms to affirm belovedness
In this story, we observe an encounter with a Samaritan woman. Jesus met with the woman at a well, going against societal norms about men being alone with women and Jews sharing drinking vessels with Samaritans. Jesus and the woman had a profound theological conversation, which she then shared with her entire community.
These are just a few of many stories in which Jesus affirmed and empowered those on the margins of society. What stories can you add to this list?
Doing What Jesus Did: Applying What We Learned
Creating Physically Affirming Spaces for Queer Youth
In Part 1, I introduced some helpful phrases to say and phrases to avoid when a queer youth (or anyone) comes out to you. Now, we will jump into some ways to be physically and emotionally affirming.
Physical affirmation is probably exactly what you think it is! It means asking, “What can I do to make my office, my home, and my church a physically affirming space for queer folks?” Here are some suggestions:
- Pride flags, stickers, or symbols can be a really helpful signal to queer folks that the space they are entering is safe.
- Provide books in your church or space that include queer families, characters, and authors. (It’s also good for your own benefit to read these books!)
- Display resources for queer people, such as links to hotlines like the Trevor Project, local support groups, or queer-affirming therapists.
- PFLAG is a national organization that offers support and education for LGBTQ+ people and those who love them.
- The Trevor Project is the leading suicide prevention and crisis intervention nonprofit organization for LGBTQ+ young people.
- Trevor Project Hotlines:
- Text ‘START’ to 678-678
- Call 1-866-488-7386
- Trevor Project Hotlines:
- Check out Psychology Today to find an LGBTQ-affirming therapist.
- Provide gender-neutral bathrooms.
- Post explicit statements of welcome and affirmation on your church’s website.
- Offer educational opportunities about gender and sexuality at your church.
- Include queer representation in your church leadership.
I know many of these steps toward affirmation are out of your control as a youth practitioner, but they are still helpful to keep in mind and, if possible, suggest to your church leadership.
What other examples can you think of to create a physically affirming space for queer people?
Using Language That Affirms Identity and Belonging
Emotional affirmation builds on the discussion in Part 1 of this series. It’s asking, “What can I do to reduce my assumptions (such as automatically assuming everyone is cisgender and straight) and make my language more affirming for queer folks?” Here are some ideas to consider:
- Use gender-neutral language and words that reduce assumptions about what genders are in the room or in someone’s family, such as:
- When greeting a group: “Good morning, everyone/friends/folks/folx”
- Partner/Spouse/Significant Other
- Sibling/Parent/Grandparent/Child(ren)
- When complimenting someone: “You look nice/attractive/good-looking” (instead of “beautiful” or “handsome,” which are often associated with a particular gender)
- Use the word “God” or additional pronouns (she and they) when referring to God.
- Introduce yourself with your pronouns and include them in your email signature and on your church’s website.
- Ask folks for their pronouns instead of assuming she/her or he/him based on how someone looks.
- Practice using they/them as singular pronouns. Choose a page from a favorite book, choose a character, and then read it out loud to yourself using they/them to represent that character.
What other examples can you think of to create an emotionally affirming space for queer people?
You Can Do This! Practice Makes Progress
It’s okay to make mistakes, just keep trying!
We have so much to learn from Jesus and each other about what it means to be affirming. Let us keep working together to make sure our queer youth know without a doubt that they are beloved and that they belong!
Deborah Jodrey
Deborah cares deeply about working alongside young people to cultivate spaces of safety, empowerment, and belonging. Deborah graduated from Princeton Theological Seminary in 2020 with a Master of Divinity and a Master of Arts in Christian Education and Formation and currently works as the Director of Faith Formation at Upper Dublin Lutheran Church in Ambler, PA. Deborah’s free time is spent running into burning buildings as a volunteer firefighter, cuddling her two pups, and playing all the board games with friends and family.
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